Too many people in our world live all their lives guided by assumptions that are false, demeaning, and destructive. One of the most crippling assumptions we can have is that we must be perfect in who we are and in what we do. It’s very difficult (if not impossible) to love ourselves if we are shackled by the need to be perfect in order to be acceptable to God and others. What most of us need to realize deep down in our hearts and souls is that perfectionism is an impossible achievement in this world. The very concept is based on a cruel and false assumption. Here are some observations regarding perfectionism which expose both its dangers and underlying fallacy:
Perfectionism stifles creativity and freedom.
- Perfect is boring. If we are perfect, then there is no more to achieve, experience, and celebrate. Perfection assumes we have arrived–there is no more to be had or done. You can’t improve on perfection. But in truth, outside of God, perfection does not exist. Perfection is similar to utopia. The very word utopia has a Greek background and literally means “no such place.” That’s why all human struggles to establish utopias have failed. Like it or not, we have to live in the real and sometimes gritty, messy world which does not allow for perfection or utopia.
- The drive to be perfect leads most people to procrastination. In my counseling with perfectionists (as well as in my struggles with the perfectionist parts of my own psyche), I have noticed that at the root of much procrastination is the need to be perfect or the fear that one may fail at being perfect in some task or achievement. If we fear self-judgement or the judgment of others, it’s easier and safer to procrastinate than to fail. (It’s like that saying that it’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.)
- Perfectionism stifles creativity and freedom. I once read of an experiment in which a group of sculptors were given clay and told to build the most perfect sculptures they were capable of within a given amount of time. Another group of sculptors were told to build as many kinds of sculptures as they could within the same amount of time. The first group, hampered by the need to be perfect, built very few sculptures, none of which were inspiring or beautiful. The second group sculpted with abandon and created some amazing objects of art. Apparently, the first group experienced too much pressure to allow for the freedom and creativity needed to liberate the objects that were hidden in the clay but wanting to be set free. The need to be perfect causes stress, and stress does not allow for the relaxation, wonder, and accessibility to create. There is an undeniable and necessary connection between freedom and creativity. Perfectionists rarely experience the miracle of that link.
- Perfectionism leads to a poor self-concept. I’ve witnessed too many people who, for various reasons are cursed with the danger and folly of perfectionism. (Some of this curse may go back to their childhoods when they learned from abusive or overly strict and demanding parents that only perfection brings acceptance and praise.)They cannot accept themselves because they see themselves as perpetual failures. They can never discover and live out their God-given talents and natures. They live in the fear of being discovered as worthless. They cannot live up to their own cruel expectations, and as a result, feel beaten down. They must cower, withdraw, remain silent, and wither. If they do try to fulfill some task, their achievement is never enough. They are devastated by constructive criticism which they interpret as an indication that they have failed since only perfection is acceptable. They may lash out in anger, but in reality, they are most angry and disappointed in themselves. Happiness, joy, and contentment are impossible for them to experience. Tragically, many of them never learn that the perfection they seek is not only impossible to achieve–it’s also robbing them of an authentic and grace-filled life.
Relieving ourselves of the need to be perfect is one of the greatest ways we can love ourselves and discover how wonderful life can be.
These observations reveal the danger and fallacy of perfectionism. Relieving ourselves of the need to be perfect is one of the greatest ways we can love ourselves and discover how wonderful life can be. Without that release, we are doomed to misery and others who try to love us are doomed to cope with our foolish bondage to something which can never author life.
No doubt there is someone out there reading this article who is biblically literate and has a “yes, but” question with all this analysis of the problems with trying to be perfect. Jesus, in his greatest collection of teachings (the Sermon on the Mount), at one point says, “You, therefore (or “accordingly”) must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). What do we do with these red-letter words in Holy Writ? Must we be perfect to be Jesus’ disciples? If so, then I’m a goner! And I have little doubt that you are too.
The Greek word translated “perfect” in the Sermon on the Mount is teleios. Our word telos, meaning an ultimate goal or aim, finds its background in this Greek term. Teleios can mean perfect, but most of the time the word refers to maturity and wholeness. (The translation of teleios as “perfect” in many translations was influenced by the Latin Vulgate version of the Greek New Testament which uses the Latin word perfectus. Since the Vulgate was the official version of the Bible in Western Christianity for centuries, we can understand its influence in the translation of teleios as “perfect.”) “Maturity and wholeness” are not the same as perfect.
Elsewhere in the New Testament, the obvious meaning of teleios is not perfection but maturity and wholeness:
- I Corinthians 2:6 “Yet among the mature, we do speak wisdom.”
- Philippians 3:15 “Let those of us then who are mature be of the same mind.”
- James 1:4 “And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete.”
In Matthew 5:48, there is also the word translated “therefore” or “accordingly.” Whenever we find that word in the Bible (or anywhere else, for that matter), it refers to something preceding it. There is a basis, foundation, and reason behind every “therefore” in language. The “therefore” or “accordingly” of Matthew 5:48 refers to the holiness, wisdom, compassion, and graciousness described in the foregoing verses about the nature of God. Jesus has just finished talking about the love and generosity of God and how we as children of God are called to emulate these characteristics. This explains why Luke, in his Sermon on the Plain, has the word translated “mercy/compassion” in place of teleios. (Luke 6:36)
I love the translation/interpretation of Matthew 5:48 in The Message Bible: “In a word, what I’m saying is, grow up. You’re Kingdom subjects. Now live it. Live out of your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” In other words, in Christ and by God’s grace, we have an opportunity to become fully human by imitating the loving qualities of God. There’s more than enough to challenge and inspire us with this understanding of Jesus’ intent in Matthew 5:48. However, a proper translation and application of teleios will keep us from the frustration and the frantic and desperate drive to be something our Lord never intended. On another occasion he said that his yoke was easy and his burden was light. Striving for perfection and assuming only perfection is acceptable constitute a yoke and burden which are monstrously and destructively heavy. In Paul’s words, we are, at best, “treasures in clay jars.” (II Corinthians 4:7) As we attempt to be like God in our dealing with others, our attempts are matched by God’s grace. Our faithfulness (imperfect though it may be) and God’s grace are always enough. And if the perfectionist in you can’t accept that good news, I suggest you go back and read the story of Simon Peter, the Rock upon whom Jesus said he would build his church. Peter was a braggart, a blockhead, and a denier of Christ when Jesus needed him the most. And yet, he is the same one the Resurrected Christ called to “feed my sheep.” We are all called and healed by such amazing grace!
