(with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)
BABY DONALD
I am the very model of a stable genius president,
the oldest living toddler in America’s chief residence.
My finger’s on the button of the Arsenal of Nuclear
diverting your attention to that other guy who’s spookier.
Because I see the writing on the wall and need a shock immense
enough to hide behind when Mueller comes with legal documents,
I’ll stamp my foot and contradict the evidence connecting me
to Putin while the GOP goes bigly down protecting me.
The party bought a ticket to the taming of democracy.
I’ll hold it down, they’ll kick it to the radical theocracy
who loves to hear me reading from the book of Two Corinthian.
They’ll revolutionize the world in matters labyrinthian.
GOP CHORUS
With many cheerful lies about our pretty kakistocracy!
With many cheerful lies about our pretty kakistocracy!
With many cheerful lies about our pretty kakistocra-stocracy!
BABY DONALD
I’m very good at coloring with crayons on the diagram
provided by my generals who think they’re smarter than I am.
In short, my hands are big and my intelligence is evident
I am the very model of a stable genius president.
TRUMPISTA CHORUS
In short, his hands are big and his intelligence is evident,
He is the very model of a stable genius president!
BABY DONALD
I have the words my alter egos, Tweetledum and Tweetledee,
can fling in haste when anyone is trying to outwheedle me.
I proudly shout down idiots who still consider hate a sin.
Nobody else is qualified to make the country great again.
A prickle in the side of Nanny Mitch and Speaker Ryan,
anytime my mouth is open it’s a sign my lips are lyin’
as I reignite the culture wars and cultivate acedia*
by stifling all reports from that infernal nosy media.
GOP CHORUS
We’ll stifle all reports from that infernal nosy media!
We’ll stifle all reports from that infernal nosy media!
We’ll stifle all reports from that infernal nosy medi-media!
BABY DONALD
Then I can sign all legislative bills without congressional
approval. On the Mar-a-Lago greens, I’m inaccessible.
In short, it matters not, for my authority is evident,
I am the very model of a stable genius president.
TRUMPISTA CHORUS
In short, it matters not, for his authority is evident,
He is the very model of a stable genius president!
BABY DONALD
I needn’t know the meaning of the words with many syllables
when I know more of bluster than a crooked lawyer’s billables.
In short, when you’re the target of the purest spittle ever spat,
you’ll say a better stable genius president has never sat!
GOP CHORUS
You’ll say a better stable genius president has never sat!
You’ll say a better stable genius president has never sat!
*acedia – Baby Donald heard this word on CNN and thought it meant hero worship.
Mary Boren, 1/13/18